I think it’s something that’s embedded into the genes of women who become mothers. You know you’re done having children. But, seeing babies makes your uterus and ovaries quake like nothing else. You see a fresh from the heavens baby and you sigh and look longingly. I do it often. I see pregnant women and long for that belly again. I know I don’t want anymore children. Sigh.

I’ve been forced to sort through the baby clothes in my house. Henry is moving into 2T stuff and I need to clean out the smaller stuff. I hold up the itty bitty pieces and tears well up in my eyes. I’ll never have another peanut to put in those clothes. I’ll never be able to soak up that baby smell. I’ll never sit on my couch and hold a newborn for hours. and hours. and hours. It amazes me {and saddens me at the same time} that time has flown that quickly. I look at some of those clothes and remember my sweet Will wearing them and now, he’s 7 1/2. I held the outfit that Jake wore when he first learned to walk. I smelled the clothes that I swear Henry wore last week, but really, it was many, many months ago. Time is funny – it has a way of making you mourn what you don’t have anymore, but it also has a way of making you treasure where you are right now.

My sister in law is having twins this summer – we’re all very excited. I’m sorting the clothes for her {if she has a boy or boys}. I took out one outfit that I’ll keep forever. It reminds me SO much of my two younger boys – it makes me smile every time I look at it. I’ll keep one that reminds me of my big boy, too.

I’ll pass these clothes on to people who need them, treasure the few pieces I keep for myself and smile. I have lots of pictures and memories that no one else can have.

One Response to “What once was.”