Archive for the ‘life’ Category

I needed a break – a break from being mom. As much as I adore them, I needed to be Tina and Tina only – not “moooooooooom” or “mommy”.

We’ve had these concert tickets for several months now – we were going out with friends. We’d planned the whole evening. I was very much looking forward to it – I just needed a break. A break from the stresses of life.

We’re tailgating at the concert – I was really enjoying myself. My dad sends me a text message – “call me”. He wants me to come home soon – home meaning where I grew up. My 60 year old mother is in the hospital – in congestive heart failure. He wants me to see my mom before it’s too late. He doesn’t want to have to call me to tell me she’s gone. I don’t want that either.

I’m 36 years old – married with 3 small children. How do I put “my life” on hold to be only my mother’s daughter again? How do I not bang my fists on tables and yell at doctors who should have taken care of this YEARS AGO? How do I keep my heart from breaking when I walk into a hospital room to see a woman I barely recognize – a woman far too young to have to deal with this.

My babies and my wonderful husband are sleeping soundly right now – I lie here awake. I lie here with my heart heavier than I’ve felt it in a long time. I’m stuck – I truly don’t know what to do. Someone please tell me what to do.

I’m on a mission – I’m on a mission to get rid of half of everything we own. This house contains enough to furnish ANOTHER house/apartment and clothe another family. That’s a bit much. There are constant piles of dirty laundry in my house. I can never get through it fast enough, so I’ve stopped trying. I don’t like that – my husband doesn’t like that. My well being doesn’t like it either. My goal is to get us back to the basics. I want to be able to keep my house clean AND tidy and have my laundry caught up, so I can spend more time playing with my family and doing things for ME. I’ve filled 2 huge boxes with kitchenware and shoes/clothes. I anticipate filling at least 10 more boxes. I can’t wait.

My aunt passed away in April – my only aunt. We weren’t close. There were many issues and I tried hard to get past them. But, years of habitual lying will break down a relationship. The lying broke down MANY relationships between my aunt and other family members. I’m sad for my mom (her only sibling), my cousins and my grandmother. I pray she’s in a better place.

My mom has recently been evaluated for a heart transplant. She spent almost a month in hospitals – some time was spent with small town doctors not having a clue how to treat her and some time was spent in the 9th best hospital in the country with amazing doctors treating her. I’m 10 hours away from my mom (by car), so my sister is having to deal with the majority of the stress involved. I sometimes feel like I’m being punished for living so far away. I also feel like my husband gets punished for it, which is not fair AT ALL. We, as a family, chose to live here. When I need to be there, I’m there. I hate guilt – especially when it’s adults who are throwing it around.

My oldest son Will played baseball in the spring – he was amazing and had loads of fun.

We spent MANY days at the baseball field watching him play – I love seeing him doing something he loves. He also made the league’s all star team.

We also did our obligatory trip back to see family for the summer. We had a mostly enjoyable time. I won’t go any further than that. We always call it a “vacation” – mostly because my husband is getting paid for it. But, based on the true definition of the word vacation, it’s the exact opposite……

So, as you can see, we’ve been really busy. Some good, some not so good. I guess that’s called life!

I think it’s something that’s embedded into the genes of women who become mothers. You know you’re done having children. But, seeing babies makes your uterus and ovaries quake like nothing else. You see a fresh from the heavens baby and you sigh and look longingly. I do it often. I see pregnant women and long for that belly again. I know I don’t want anymore children. Sigh.

I’ve been forced to sort through the baby clothes in my house. Henry is moving into 2T stuff and I need to clean out the smaller stuff. I hold up the itty bitty pieces and tears well up in my eyes. I’ll never have another peanut to put in those clothes. I’ll never be able to soak up that baby smell. I’ll never sit on my couch and hold a newborn for hours. and hours. and hours. It amazes me {and saddens me at the same time} that time has flown that quickly. I look at some of those clothes and remember my sweet Will wearing them and now, he’s 7 1/2. I held the outfit that Jake wore when he first learned to walk. I smelled the clothes that I swear Henry wore last week, but really, it was many, many months ago. Time is funny – it has a way of making you mourn what you don’t have anymore, but it also has a way of making you treasure where you are right now.

My sister in law is having twins this summer – we’re all very excited. I’m sorting the clothes for her {if she has a boy or boys}. I took out one outfit that I’ll keep forever. It reminds me SO much of my two younger boys – it makes me smile every time I look at it. I’ll keep one that reminds me of my big boy, too.

I’ll pass these clothes on to people who need them, treasure the few pieces I keep for myself and smile. I have lots of pictures and memories that no one else can have.

Apparently, God likes the look of snow far more than dead grass. Just when I was able to see my entire lawn, He switched it up and dumped a good 5 or 6 inches of that icky, white stuff on us. {I prefer the look of dead grass myself}. That icky, white stuff gave my boys a much needed snow day, where they were able to play outside with friends and just be little boys.

Henry experienced his first snow day, too. I wasn’t sure of the reaction I’d get when he felt the snow, but he loved it. {bad mom alert – he’ll be 2 in April and this is his first snow experience. I hate snow and don’t like to be in it, so I’ve never taken him out in it. I suck.} He loved it so much that when it was time to come in, I had to physically pick him up and drag him in the house. {the temper tantrum thrown once we were in the house was like one I’ve never witnessed from a 22 month old before. Ever.} The snow day was nice for me, too – I didn’t need to set the alarm to get up at 0 dark thirty to get everyone ready for school.

I spend most of my awake hours keeping this little handful out of things. I’m certain I’ll look back on this stuff in a few years and laugh, but right now, it’s incredibly frustrating. I need to find a cabinet lock to put on my pantry – as you can see, he likes to get in it. In fact, he likes to try to SIT in it. Right now, as I try to type this out, I’m sharing couch space with a box of cake mix, some teddy grahams and some boxed dinners. Those Betty Crocker fruit Stickerz packages are thrown all over the living room floor. I have packages of food in my pantry that I can’t identify – he’s torn the boxes up and taken stuff out of boxes, so I have no idea what belongs where. I keep telling myself that I’m going to miss this stuff, so I’m doing my best to just take it all in stride.

I’m working on some cute scrapbook pages that I’ll share here soon. My husband also bought me a sewing machine – YAY!!!! I tried to go to Joann’s and look around yesterday, but someone wasn’t very cooperative and started screaming as soon as we walked in. I can’t wait to start sewing some things.

As you can see, it’s been a hodge podge of sorts around here. We’ve been doing little bits of this and that. Life is good.

Hi. Remember me? I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t.

Before last week, Halloween was the last time I posted. My blogging mojo went AWOL. I spent the last several months trying to stay afloat. (I often feel like my house is going to swallow me up). I enjoyed lots of family time and a VERY. LONG. Christmas vacation back east with family. (it was the longest 2 weeks of my life and we won’t be doing 2 weeks again.). Besides that, I often don’t feel that interesting and my life is boring (in a very good way, to me).

My youngest sweet boy started daycare (one day a week – socialization for him, some quiet, productive time for mommy) – his speech has exploded a bit. He still screams like a banshee when I drop him off, but within seconds of me walking out of this classroom, he’s off to play with his friends. He’ll be 22 months old on February 1st. Time, please use the brakes, please.

The mojo is coming back, slowly, but surely. I’ve spent some time trying to figure out what I want to do here. I LOVE to be creative – I love to cook and scrapbook, so I think I’m going to focus on those things. I’m trying to convince my husband to buy me a sewing machine for Mother’s Day or my birthday – I want to learn how to sew, too!! There will be some personal stuff thrown in here and there, but I know there’s a bunch of mojo existing in my creative life.

If anyone is still out there and still reading here, I hope you visit the Hearts at Home Blog and enter the Living with Less Contest. I’ve attended 2 Hearts at Home conferences and love what they’re all about AND I love Jill Savage. Check it out!

I fear the germs are creeping in – Jake has a fever (low grade) and his teacher was out for the last 2 days of school with the flu. I heard quite a bit of coughing and sneezing while at our elementary school yesterday. I think illness is inevitable – no matter how often my kids wash their hands or use hand sanitizer, the germs are everywhere. I’ve not been feeling too well the past few days either.

I’ve been willing the germs out – next will be high vitamin C intake. I plan on drinking OJ until it comes out of my ears and then give that much to my kids.

It has to work. It just has to work.

Today, my husband and I are headed to “The Big House” – University of Michigan’s football stadium. Michigan is playing my alma mater, Delaware State University. The score is not going to be pretty, my friends. The real reason I want to go is to see the band, “The Approaching Storm”. The youtube video above shows the drumline in action, but this video doesn’t do them justice AT ALL. The band is phenomenal. I saw TAS throughout my high school years, in our local Halloween parade and everyone was always so excited to see them – they truly put on a great show.

Sadly, I never saw them play at a football game in college. In fact, I’ve never seen my alma mater play football. Ever. I’ll leave the reason for another time. My college experience wasn’t one that I fondly recall. I went there to get my degree and that was it. There was no trying to get the “real college experience” (i.e., parties, sororities, roommates, etc.)

Anyway, I’m very excited to spend the day with my love, sans kids (WOOT!). My babies will have fun here with my fabulous babysitter.

My mom bought me a Delaware State University sweatshirt to wear to the game (only one I’ve ever owned. I didn’t wear a single DSU clothing item the entire 4 years I went to school there.) I’m almost certain that, aside from the band, players AND coaching staff, I’ll be the only person there cheering for Delaware State.

I’m sure it will be on TV tomorrow – you should be able to find me easily.

I don’t remember any trying times from the 2nd year of my older boys’ lives. They were both pretty even keeled. While we did experience the occasional tantrum, those 2 years were fun and not too eventful.

So, I believe what I’m experiencing now is called payback and Henry is only 1 1/2. It must be the 3rd child thing. Henry…oh, Henry. The cord being wrapped around his neck should have been my first glimpse into the trouble this child would be involved in.

The hard surfaces in our house should beware – Henry has taken to banging his head on anything hard that’s near him. He’ll do it once, then scream. Then, he does it again and screams. He’ll repeat it until I tell him to stop. Then, he throws himself on the floor.

Being told no is not on my boy’s top 10 list of fun things. I have a feeling the next year and a half is going to be lots of fun around here.

Anyone know these guys? (If not, I’ll tell you at the end!)
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There’s almost nothing better to me than time spent with good friends, good food and fellowship. That’s how I spent my Friday and Saturday this week and it was wonderful.

Five of us moms headed out to Grand Rapids, MI, (in a mini-van! ha!) to attend Hearts at Home.

Hearts at Home is a ministry to moms. It’s a Friday evening/full Saturday filled with great speakers, comedians, great music and time spent together. We laugh, we cry, we lift each other up and grow as moms, as wives and most importantly, in Jesus.

I was able to see these great people:

Dr. Kevin Leman He’s a dynamic, fabulous speaker on all things parenting!

Sally Baucke SUPER funny comedian who is a mom to 3 boys.

Jill Savage She’s the founder of Hearts at Home. She’s a mom to 6!

Karen Ehman I was blessed to see Karen speak at a MOPS meeting, too. She spoke on Saturday about getting your life in order and how to get rid of clutter, etc. etc. I can’t wait to put some of her ideas into use.

Mary Beth and Curt Whelan They’re an awesome husband and wife team who talk about debt and how to get out of it.

Go Fish (That’s who “those guys” are in the picture above!) They sing AWESOME kid’s music that doesn’t drive parents insane. It’s true, too They’re super nice guys and all dads themselves.

In addition to all of the great speakers, there are also lots of vendors selling books, t-shirts, etc. I always spend way too much money when I go.

Compassion was there, too – I started sponsoring my sweet boy Aime a year ago, at Hearts at Home.

The whipped cream on top of this cake of a weekend – I slept in a big, comfy bed, in quiet, cold (I like it cold) hotel room ALL BY MYSELF. I read a book, in peace and quiet. I watched what I wanted to watch on TV. I took a shower in silence, without someone banging on the bathroom door. I ate entire meals while they were still warm. I was able to talk without being interrupted 100 times.

The cherry on top of this cake of a weekend – coming home. While eating whole meals in one sitting and taking quiet showers is nice, HOME is where I long to be.

I spent the majority of this week feeling helpless. My baby boy was sick and I couldn’t take his pain away. What started out as a low grade fever turned into a knock down, drag out 104.9 fever that rendered my boy horribly lethargic, miserable and in the ER. While we were still at home, I tried Motrin and Tylenol and the fever would come down to 102 and it wouldn’t budge from there. Within an hour or so, it was right back up again. We spent several hours in the ER with a resident who was a bit of an alarmist (She walks into the room, takes one look at my boy and rushes out yelling, “I think we need to admit this kid”. I immediately start to panic and cry. She comes back in and says, “I didn’t mean to worry you.” Really!?!?!) Urine tests, chest x-rays and blood work all came back negative. They diagnosed him with a possible ear infection, gave him a whopper of an antibiotic shot and a script for more antibiotics and sent us on our way. Two days later, he wasn’t much better, so we went to his pediatrician. He was diagnosed with a throat infection there (docs in the ER said his throat was fine. ugh.). His pediatrician said that he’d start to feel better by Friday night or Saturday morning and that was true – by Saturday morning, he was feeling a little spunky and by this morning, he woke up cool as a cucumber and feelin’ fine. I’ve never been happier to see that boy show me his devilish, little smile. With Henry around, life is always interesting. Hopefully it will be a little less interesting for a while.